i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
