Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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