just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
