i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
