Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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