I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
