at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
