Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
