I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
