apparently the secret to your success is patron
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
