I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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