my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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