What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
