i need an iv and a liver transplant
Even the bartender felt bad for me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
