Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
