I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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