i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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