how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
