Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
