the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We're too hungover to prance.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
