im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
