Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hippo gnu deer
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
