a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish you could order shots online.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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