dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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