just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize