PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
