I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.