Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
In America we eat man semen.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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