i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
