I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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