Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize