even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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