I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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