she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
