Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
