Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
