I cannot find my penis.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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