oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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