I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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