Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
