My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
