I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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