im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
