i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
