Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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