Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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