You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
