My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
