I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
