omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
