dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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