The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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