She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
