Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
