I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize
