There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
