the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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