the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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