i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
