I was born with a shot glass in my hand
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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