Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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