I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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