I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
