He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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