its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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