nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize