Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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