there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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