She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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