Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
