Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
