it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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