I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
