Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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