You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
