Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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