I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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