remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
