I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
