Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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